early in the morning,
he called. and surprised me with the news he delivered.
but i said yes.
without any hesitation.
i was surprised by my answer too.
no, i'm not eloping. if that's what you're thinking.
He asked me to fill in a girl for the merdeka parade. She was feeling sick and had threw up. She wanted out.
So he called. While I was reading Shiver even though my eyes were droopy and prostested against this. I stared at the number, a number I didn't recognise but hey, I knew it was you. I always did.
You only needed to ask, and I said sure. Then regretted it the next instant because I knew my mother would be unhappy. Or pissed, depending on how well she'd slept.
Yet I stayed silent. Hopeful. Excitement? Maybe.
Tucked my cellphone next to my pillow so that I'd wake to catch your call.
I remember doing this some time ago. But that's another story.
5.oo am. My eyes fluttered to the ring of my cell. Pushed the button to end the alarm. Feeling amazing and a little stunned that I wasn't a little drowsy though I went to sleep past 12 thirty.
5.09 am. My phone buzzed and your voice greeted me. That polite hello with questions even though you knew it was me at the end of the line.
We made the choice by ourselves. I'd go, despite her current condition was unknown.
I wondered: Were you happier that it was me instead of her?
Turned the shower on and cool water heightened my senses. As I dried myself with the towel, I'd forgotten about my mother. How she'd react to this. Myself involved in the parade.
All I could think was you.
I wonder: strange feelings or just plainly friendship?
Got a call from my transport, said she was waiting for me already.
And then came the fall.
My mother declined. Firmly. Pissed. Annoyed at the disturbance from her precious slumber and the stupid parade.
"No."
Only then I realised you mattered. Band mattered. The stupid parade mattered.
But everything I felt was mixed up, all tiny fragments of you and my growing responsibility towards band.
Still, one thing I found out:
It matters.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010,10:34 AM |
comment |
0 comment(s)