The way we are The way we were (It's just a shadow of what's wrong) The time with you The time is stirred (I loved you for so long) The hearts they turn They turn away (She says to go, please don't you cry) Love lost was found Night turns to day -"Time Stands Still" The All-American Rejects
Saturday, January 24, 2009,10:58 PM |
"Will you need me now, you'll find the way somehow You want it too, I want it too."
This is for him.
You made me smile. You made me laugh. I wouldn't say you made me cry, that's because I was just crying for you.
You know every single thing about me. But you didn't know that I was disappointed when you didn't text goodnight. I'd cling on to my handphone, hoping it would buzz. But that didn't happen. Often I'd drift to sleep clutching my phone, missing you. I don't blame you. I never would. You had fallen asleep. That isn't wrong.
I always hang around my phone now. That's something I never would do if you didn't "happen". "Happen" as in, us. Whenever my phone buzzed, I would hope that when I flip my phone open, it would be from you. You were the most important to me.
You occupied my every thought. I would think: What would he do if he saw me doing this? Would it be okay with him? Would he like this colour on me? It wasn't a bad thing. I liked it.
But sometimes it got too much. I would suddenly get moody just because I hadn't heard from him. And that was just this morning. He controlled my mood palatte. If he was hurt, the skies from my view would be a dull blue. I knew if I had seen it from another side, I would have seen a sky of palest blue and the rich, orange sun setting. He gotten that position. When I snuck a glance at the cat outside, it was like he smiled at me.
But it's not all about him. I made mistakes. If I didn't felt like it, I wouldn't reply his messages. And he's giving me a taste of that right now. It isn't nice, but I brought this on me. He was always the one who called. Even in the end, he was the one who called to set things straight. He was the one who paid. He gave me credit. And-- Okay, I won't get there. I'm sure I let him down too, as pleasing wasn't really my good points. I hurt him too much it hurts for me to even get to that part. And both times was me. I did it. Like a knife.
Yet still, I find him the greatest guy I know. He understood me. Silences were comfortable with him. There wasn't small-talk, not once. He was sweet, thoughtful, romantic(haha, don't deny that), knows what I want, therefore-awesome(I seriously am picky), the epitome of perfection. And he still is.
I loved that he calls during the day. I loved his small laugh. And I didn't know what was he laughing about. I loved that he knew I was sleepy yet I still wanted to talk. I loved that he sang. To me. I loved that he liked the songs I like. I loved that he reads. I loved that he would go "awwwww..." I loved that he always thought about me first. I loved him.
And in my heart, deep down in my heart, I know, I always will.
How can I forget all the sweetest words he said to me? How can I forget he sent the card early? How can I forget how he sang "Dance Inside"? How can forget the way he said "I love you"? How can I ever?
I don't know how. I don't even know whether I want to. I didn't delete his messages. I didn't want to let go what may be the last words he says.
"As I go, remember all the simple things you know, My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, That you will miss me when I'm gone This is the last song." -"The Last Song" The All-American Rejects
I still hope that one day, I would get to hold his hand, hold him close, and when that day comes, I will never let go.
Hahaha... these few days have been- surreal. and im loving every minute of it!
Well, so the first-hellish xD- school week is finally OVER. I've concluded that:
1 it sucks being a transfer student really donttrustmegotryitoutyourself- AT THE BEGINNING.
2 it gets better. SERIOUSLY. if you know a few people, good for ya; but if don't freaking know even ONE-like me, yeah- do not, I repeat, DO NOT go up to BOYS and ask for directions. Boys will just tease you. (wells, the ones who wear their underwear hanging out and THAT is like, so eww and think they're so cool anyways)
UGH. that is so NOT a way to lure girls.
Don't wear your pants like that unless it's GRAVITY-DEFYING okayyy? cuz it will certainly drop to the ground one day.
back to the post. x)
3 Everyone here is so sui bian. So y'know, easy-going teachers; happy-go-lucky students. it's a nice environment. The teacher actually said: Ni mei you zhuo wan gong ke bu yong jin(If you didn't finish your schoolwork, it's okay).
Then the siaokia guy behind me: Tian form! (Fill in the form ah!) Laughs. -merit demerit system. Break the rules, get the form. Slam down in bilik discipline. Oh but not this teacher-boys fawn over her cuz she's pretty in a sweet way. To me it's rather sickening to have a teacher speak to me as if I'm a 3 year old. x/- she just forgives you and have you hand it in next year tommorow.
4 The food is good. BUT most importantly, CHEAP. A big, yummy bowl of wanton noodles plus TWO ginormous dumplings. ahhhhhhhhhhh~ Plus the drinks. ONE tall plastic cup of lycheeeeee- RM 0.50. Yes, i was shocked but i didnt show it. LOL or more like, i was giving the seller the quizzical brow.
5 the WHOLE freakin school looks THE SAME. it's like I'm walking around in circles finding the headmaster's office but I'm still see the same dull grey buildings and the same dull grey pigeons. EESH. Put a little COLOUR in it will ya?!
6 there are NO hotties here, not one, Wingky. you'll seriously get bored so don't come here. DON'T ask again cuz it will always be the same answer with me. i have turned a blind eye at them because my heart already is spoken for. x)
7 Girls here have a lifelong knowledge of the male mind. Yes. I shan't elaborate further. xDD
8 All afternoon session guys have to cut "lu jun zhuang". If you don't Sir Goh will grab you by the collar and cut your hair in front of the whole school. Yep. Sir just went snaaaaaaaaaaaaap-using the usual scissors- and the poor guy's hair looked like a neatly cut garden lawn.
Whew, what a sight!
9 I think I'm the only girl in the afternoon session who doesn't have a fringe. Hahaha, yeah I didnt know that fringe was part of the school rules. xD Nike bottle too! Squirt squirt splash!
10 I'm still the same June y'all know. Just, quieter in school. (No you can't feel that through the phone cuz I'm all loud when YOU-yes YOU- call x) But yeah I still burst out laughing suddenly when the class is- oh shit- HELL QUIET. ah, bad habit. xDD
Ooh 10. So you guys should probably get a glimpse of my life right know. It's gonna get better. ;D
Saturday, January 10, 2009,1:46 PM |
But it's empty
Sometimes I wonder whether it was worth it. Whether it was worth it when I made them laugh, helped them, thanked them, or just befriend them.
I wonder really, does anyone realise I'm not there.
Was I just a wallflower, who annoyed people and was not worth remembering? Or should I just accept the fact that friends don't exist?
"Out of sight, out of mind." She said that. Makes sense.
Maybe they are the ones not worth remembering. Maybe friends are just there to hide the lonely truth.
My mind does wander far. It tells me to go on on my life right now, forget all of them since I'm forgotten, just get a grip. It's a cruel world, get over it.
But that's just the emo me.
I appreciate. I'm happy I existed in their life, made them smile and laugh. I feel good when my friends laugh at my sick jokes. ;) And I KNOW, deep down, ok like REAL deep down, they love me. They were my friends and still are. Just because they are not here, doesn't mean that they forgotten me. Just because I can't see them daily, it doesn't mean that they aren't my friends anymore.
Thanks for making my only year at a school I loved really much, Catholic High, so memorable. Everyone. My teachers, the classrooms, my desk and chair(that was FOREVER wobbly), exam seating... my beloved friends I treasure so deeply... the CANTEEEEEN!!!... the stairs we had to climb EVERY SINGLE DAY*pant*...AJKs of the class x)... imissyou. And thankyou.
Just so you know, I moved. I'm currently studying at SMJK Chung Ling Butterworth. Penang. Don't ask why. Thanks.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009,11:31 PM |
Well I miss you too
Happy Birthday Justin! ;D
-i know it's belated-so sorry!!- but i didn't want to ruin the sentence by adding a "belated" in there. x)
Study hard xD
"I know it’s kinda late But Happy Birthday" Happy Birthday- The Click Five
Sunday, January 4, 2009,3:34 PM |
i am fifteen years old, and fell in love with poetry recently.
okay, and maybe not only with that.
feel free to be inspired by the world. don't lock all your emotions inside you, express them and share.
share with someone who listens.
with the world.
the world needs more inspirations than tears, you know.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
thankyou for visiting. I hope something here makes you smile.